How to reclaim mental space as a woman leader

Growing up, I was as often made to feel like I was “too much”; too loud, too big, too pushy, too needy, too EVERYTHING. And now, at 53, I realize that those old tapes (“tapes” is how you know I’m really 53) could either shrink me or grow me. I’ve decided that I’d rather be a force to be reckoned with than someone who shrinks to make others feel bigger or better. Being a force to be reckoned with isn’t about being intimidating. It’s about showing up as yourself with clarity, confidence, and conviction in a world that often rewards women for being accommodating above all else. Your (our) ideas deserve to be heard. Not squeezed in. Not prefaced with apologies. Not credited to someone who repeated them louder (and in a deeper voice). Being endlessly agreeable often means your priorities come last, your boundaries get trampled, and your career advancement stalls. And this doesn’t mean don’t be kind or caring or thoughtful or accommodating. It means doing any or all of those things without it coming at your expense. Here are some concrete ways to take up the space you’ve earned: 1. Own your expertise without qualifiers. Stop saying “just” or “I think maybe.” Try “Here’s what I recommend” or “Based on my experience, we should do this.” 2. Speak early in meetings. Contribute something in the first ten minutes. It establishes your presence and makes your later contributions land with more gravitas. 3. Stop doing office housework. Taking notes and organizing parties are invisible and unrewarded. Volunteer for high-visibility projects instead. 4. Negotiate like you’re worth it. Ask for salary, flexibility, resources, or respect with confidence. Practice this: “Given my track record with X, I’m looking for Y.” In my very first job out of grad school, I asked for more money AND more vacation time. They asked me to choose which one; I didn’t — and I got both. 5. Build strategic alliances. Cultivate relationships with people who can advocate for you when you’re not in the room. You don’t become a force by waiting until you feel ready. You become one by acting like you already are, even when your inner voice (those TAPES) doubts you. Confidence isn’t a prerequisite; it’s a byproduct. You’re not being difficult. You’re being someone who knows her worth and isn’t afraid to act accordingly. #womenleaders #confidence #genderequity Image from @fucktology

🥊 “Jingjin, have you ever considered that women are just inferior to men?” That was her opening line. The lady who challenged me was not a traditionalist in pearls. She was one of the top investment bankers of her time, closed billion-dollar deals, led global teams, the kind of woman whose voice dropped ten degrees when money was on the line. And she meant it. “Back in my day, if I had to hire, I’d always go for the man. No pregnancy leave. No PMS. No emotional volatility. Just less… liability.” And she doesn’t believe in what I do. Helping women lead from a place of wholeness. Because to her, wholeness is a luxury. Winning requires neutrality. And neutrality means: be less female and suck it up! I’ve heard versions of this many times, and too often, from high-performing women who "made it" by suppressing. But facts are: 🧠 There are no consistent brain differences between men and women that explain men’s “logic” or women’s “emotions.” 💥 Hormones impact everyone. Men’s testosterone drops when they nurture. Women’s cortisol rises in toxic workplaces, not because they’re weak, but because they’re sane. 📉 What we call “meritocracy” is often a reward system for those who can perform like they have no body, no children, no cycles. None of those are biologically male traits. They’re artifacts of a system built around male lives. So, if you're a woman who's bought into this logic, here are some counter-strategies: 🛠 1. Study Systems Like You Studied Deals Dissect the incentives, norms, and bias loops of your workplace the same way you’d break down a P&L. Don’t internalize what’s structural. 🧭 2. Redefine Strategic Strengths Stop mirroring alpha aggression to prove you belong. Deep listening, self-regulation, and nuance reading, these are leadership assets, not soft skills. Use them ruthlessly. 💬 3. Name It, Don’t Numb It If your hormones impact you one day a month, say so, but also say what it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t cancel out 29 days of clarity, strategy, and execution. 🪩 4. Build Your Own Meritocracy Start investing in spaces, networks, and cultures where your wholeness isn’t penalized. If none exist, build them. 🧱 5. Deconstruct Before You Self-Doubt When you catch yourself thinking “maybe I’m not built for this,” pause. Ask: Whose rules am I trying to win by? Who benefits when I question myself? This post isn’t about defending women. We don’t need defending. It’s about calling out the internalised metrics we still use to measure ourselves. 👊 And choosing to rewrite them. What’s the most 'rational' reason you’ve heard for why women are a liability?

A highly qualified woman sat across from me yesterday.   Her resume showed 15 years of C-suite experience. Multiple awards. Industry recognition.   Yet she spoke about her success like it was pure luck.   SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT of female executives experience this same phenomenon.   I see it daily through my work with thousands of women leaders. They achieve remarkable success but internally believe they fooled everyone.   Some call it imposter syndrome. I call it a STRUCTURAL PROBLEM.   Let me explain...   When less than 5% of major companies have gender-balanced leadership, women question whether they belong.   My first board appointment taught me this hard truth.   I walked into that boardroom convinced I would say something ridiculous. Everyone seemed so confident.   But confidence plays tricks on us.   Perfect knowledge never exists. Leadership requires:   • Recognising what you know • Admitting what you miss • Finding the right answers • Moving forward anyway   Three strategies that transformed my journey:   1. Build your evidence file Document every win, every positive feedback, every successful project. Review it before big meetings. Your brain lies. Evidence speaks truth.   2. Find your circle Connect with other women leaders who understand your experience. The moment you share your doubts, someone else will say "me too."   3. Practice strategic vulnerability Acknowledging areas for growth enhances credibility. Power exists in saying "I'll find out" instead of pretending omniscience.   REALITY CHECK: This impacts business results.   Qualified women: - Decline opportunities - Downplay achievements - Hesitate to negotiate - Withdraw from consideration   Organisations lose valuable talent and perspective.   The solution requires both individual action and systemic change.   We need visible pathways to leadership for women. We need to challenge biased feedback. We need women in leadership positions in meaningful numbers.   Leadership demands courage, not perfect confidence.   The world needs leaders who push past doubt - not because they never experience it, but because they refuse to let it win. https://lnkd.in/gY9G-ibh

When you’ve worked so hard to reach the top, why does self-doubt creep in even stronger? For many successful women leaders, loneliness and isolation at the top can amplify feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, commonly known as imposter syndrome. Even the most accomplished leaders get affected by this. As I climbed the ladder in my leadership journey, I expected to find greater confidence and validation. However, reaching the top brought about an unsettling mix of self-doubt and isolation. The paradox of feeling successful yet profoundly disconnected. Looking back, I can see some of the things that fuelled this sense of disconnect. This included lack of relatable peers locally (being CEO at 32),, the increased pressure to build on the work of my predecessor, fewer opportunities for honest reflection with trusted peers, and the absence of a sounding board to bounce off the high stakes decisions. Thankfully, loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent part of leadership. As woman in leadership, you can combat both isolation and imposter syndrome by building intentional support networks and seeking mentors who can relate to their unique struggles. So, in addition to the list from yesterday, here are a few more on some of the ways to reclaim your confidence and connection. 1. Engaging in women's leadership groups. Professional groups focused on women in leadership provide spaces to connect with others who understand the specific challenges of being a woman at the top. These communities offer valuable reassurance and validation that help women combat feelings of inadequacy and gain strength from shared experiences. Some of the communities I have seen here on LinkedIn include The Ladies Book Breakfast Forum, WOMEN IN HR KENYA, and Women On Boards Network Kenya among others. Search for your industry group and be part of its activities and engagements. 2. Seek out mentorship   A trusted mentor can be a powerful ally against imposter syndrome. By connecting with someone who has walked a similar path, you can gain perspective from someone else's own journey and learn strategies to manage self-doubt. Mentorship also helps reinforce their accomplishments and provides guidance, helping them see themselves as competent and capable. 3. Finally, practice self-validation techniques.   Journaling, self-affirmations, or setting aside time to celebrate achievements can help counter the negative self-talk that loneliness and imposter syndrome trigger. Remember who you are. Recognize and acknowledge personal wins, no matter how small. These help to foster your confidence and reduces reliance on external validation. In this journey, success and self-belief can thrive together. Imposter syndrome can make the journey to success feel lonely and filled with self-doubt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. What are other networks available here on LinkedIn? Tag and help a sister 😀 #africa #leadershipdevelopment #professionalwomen #personaldevelopment #

The space between an event or situation and our reaction to it is where transformation happens. Victor Frankl once wrote: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” That “space” he describes is a gift—one we often overlook in our busy, reactive lives. Yet, how we use it shapes our relationships, our leadership, and even our sense of self. As I reflect on my own journey, I’ve realized that learning to pause in that space has been so important. It’s where clarity, curiosity, and care live. It’s where we reclaim our power to act thoughtfully instead of react impulsively. Here are three ways we can make the most of that space: (1) Pause with Purpose In moments of tension or uncertainty, resist the urge to act immediately. Take a breath. Ask yourself: What outcome do I truly want here? The pause allows you to respond intentionally, rather than reactively. (2) Get Curious About Your Reaction When you feel triggered, dig deeper. Why does this bother you? What assumptions are you making? Curiosity in that space not only helps you understand yourself but also creates opportunities for growth and connection. (3) Choose Your Response with Care Once you’ve paused and reflected, act in a way that aligns with your values. This alignment builds trust with others and strengthens your own sense of purpose. Each of us has the power to turn that space into a place of possibility. How we use it determines the transformation we create in our lives and others’. #reaction #learning #growth #change #reflection #intentionality #selfReflection

How I protect my mental bandwidth. We're making too many decisions without a system, and it's draining our mental energy. Leading a company has taught me a simple truth: your decision quality plummets when you treat your mental bandwidth like an infinite resource. Here are the strategies that help me stop the decision drain: Group similar decisions together: Instead of jumping between topics all day, batch similar decisions. Review all budget items Tuesday morning. Handle team questions Thursday afternoon. This simple change reduces the mental switching cost that exhausts your brain. Create simple decision rules: For recurring decisions, establish clear criteria in advance. "If X happens, we do Y." These basic guardrails eliminate hundreds of small mental calculations that drain your energy without adding value. Pass the right decisions down: Not every decision needs your input. Identify choices that will develop your team while freeing your mental space. Give them principles to follow rather than requiring constant check-ins. Schedule recovery between decisions: Your brain needs breaks to maintain judgment quality. Even a 10-minute walk without your phone can reset your mental capacity. I've found that three brief recovery periods each day dramatically improve my decision clarity. No rocket science, but these straightforward practices have helped me think clearly and make solid decisions day after day. Your mental bandwidth is too precious to waste on decisions that don't deserve it. What's one change you'll make this week to protect yours? #Leadership #Performance #DecisionMaking #MentalClarity #ExecutiveEffectiveness

You just gave that big presentation. It went well. But hours later, you're still replaying every moment: "Why did I say it that way? Did they think I was unprepared? I should have used the other example..." And suddenly you feel unsure. But in reality, you're listening to the wrong voice. Here's what I discovered after years of coaching mid-career women leaders: The voice that sounds like wisdom ("Let’s think this out carefully...") is often just keeping you stuck in analysis paralysis. Classic overthinking looks like this: ❌ After the meeting: "I shouldn't have pushed back on that timeline. Now they think I'm difficult." (Meanwhile, your colleague who pushed back? Already moved on.) ❌ Before the decision: "I need to gather more data, talk to three more people, and wait until next quarter when I have more clarity." (The clarity never comes. The opportunity passes.) ❌ During the moment: Your CEO asks your opinion in the room. You have thoughts, but you hesitate: "Is my idea fully formed? How can I put this clearly" By the time you're ready, the conversation has moved on. The lie it tells: "Without me keeping you careful, you'll make reckless decisions." The truth: Research with 500,000+ people shows everyone hears this voice. Your colleagues. Your CEO. All the ones who look so confident to you. In reality, they just don't give it much airtime. Your 3-step escape plan for that presentation (or any high-stakes moment): 💫 Name what's happening: "Oh, that's the voice insisting I'm going to mess this up." Not "I'm going to mess this up." But "that's the voice saying...". Calling it out takes away its power. 💫 Shift physically: Take 3 deep breaths - inhale deeply and slowly exhale. Research shows just 10 seconds quiets the overthinking parts of your brain. 💫 Reframe the thought: "I've prepared well. I know this material. Even if I stumble, I can recover." Not toxic positivity, just a more accurate assessment than the catastrophic story your brain is spinning. The negative thoughts will come back during your presentation or other crucial moments. That's normal. Repeat these steps with patience. The muscle you're building is the speed of recovery, not elimination. I've been practicing this for a few years now. Has my overthinking disappeared? No. I've reduced it by about 75% but I still overthink and always will. Here's what changed: I see the pattern the moment it starts, and I can step out of it much quicker. Minutes instead of hours. Hours instead of days. That presentation you're preparing for? You've got this. The voice will show up. Let it. Just don't let it run the show. 📅 13 nov 2025 ***** If we haven’t met, Hi my name’s Ilse! I help mid-career women leaders stop overthinking so they can make clear decisions and lead with confidence. 👉 Follow for insights on leadership, mindset & self-awareness 💬 Comment or DM me; always happy to exchange thoughts ♻️ Share if this resonated with you

The spaces I value most as a facilitator are the ones where something quietly shifts. Where people don’t just learn something — they see themselves differently. This was one of those spaces. With a group of women leaders, we explored the invisible scripts that often shape how we show up: “I need to work twice as hard.” “I shouldn’t take up too much space.” “Others probably know more than I do.” Through the 3R process — Recognise, Reflect, Rewrite — we didn’t try to push past these beliefs. We sat with them. We understood them. And then, slowly, we rewrote them — into something more honest and useful. The Achievement Jar was a simple yet powerful part of the process. A place to name the wins we usually brush aside. Because noticing your own progress is part of leading. This wasn’t a session about changing people. It was about helping them come back to what’s already true. #WomenInLeadership #RewriteTheScript #LeadershipIdentity #PsychologicalSafety #CelebrateYourWins #EmergingLeaders #RoopshreeSurana

Let's be real: How many of us have felt that pit in our stomachs before walking into a meeting where we know we'll be the only POC? Or experienced the frustration of being mistaken for another WOC in the office? Or walked into work feeling confident and looking fly, all while bracing for the attempt to touch our hair or inevitable inappropriate comment? These aren't just "minor inconveniences." They're symptoms of larger issues that jeopardize our mental health, career trajectories, and sense of self. The stats paint a stark picture: - Black women make up a mere 1% of executives in S&P 500 companies. - Only a handful of WOC have raised significant venture capital funding. - We constantly battle what researchers call "double jeopardy"––facing harsher judgment for the same mistakes as our peers. But here's what I want you to remember: Your mental health is not negotiable. Your wellbeing is not a luxury. It's the foundation of your power, creativity, and ability to break through barriers every single week. So how do we protect ourselves without giving up on our ambitions? Here are seven strategies: 1. Know you can leave: Your talent deserves respect. 2. Find adaptive coping strategies: Manage stress and protect your mental health. 3. Keep building your support network: Seek out other WOC, join professional organizations, connect with mentors. 4. Plan your exit strategy: Know your options. 5. Document: Keep records of accomplishments and any inappropriate incidents. 6. Cultivate sponsors: Look for influential advocates for your career advancement. 7. Practice self-compassion: Give yourself grace and space. Remember, we're not merely surviving in these spaces––we're redefining them. Your presence matters. Your visibility is power. That's why I'm more convinced than ever that we need spaces to gather, heal, and strategize together. Spaces free from the White, male, mainstream gaze. Imagine a virtual sanctuary where you can: ✨ Process workplace challenges with other WOC who truly get it ✨ Learn strategies for maintaining mental health in challenging environments ✨ Access resources on recognizing and combating workplace bias ✨ Connect with coaches dedicated to uplifting women of color If this resonates, let's connect. Your experiences will shape this community into the supportive space we all deserve. Your mental health is your power source. Guard it fiercely, nurture it compassionately, and never be afraid to put it first. You are seen. You are valued. And you are so much more than the battles you face at work. Together, we can keep rewriting the narratives and building the inclusive work communities we deserve.

She had the idea. But she softened it before she said it. She shrank it before anyone else could. I have seen this happen in boardrooms, Zoom calls, and team huddles. Smart women lead with disclaimers instead of direction. That ends now. Here is what to stop saying in meetings. And what to say instead. → Stop: I might be wrong, but... → Say: Here is what I see. → Stop: This may sound silly... → Say: I have a different perspective. → Stop: Sorry, can I add something? → Say: I would like to build on that. → Stop: I am not the expert, but... → Say: Based on my experience... → Stop: Just a thought... → Say: My recommendation is... → Stop: Does that make sense? → Say: What questions do you have? → Stop: Sorry if this is a dumb question. → Say: Help me understand this part. → Stop: I will try to get that done. → Say: I will have this done by Friday at 3 PM. Your voice does not need a warning label. Your ideas do not need an apology. Confidence is not volume. It is clarity. Speak in statements. Own your expertise. Pause after you finish. Let the room absorb it. You were invited to the table for a reason. Take up your space. ---------- Want more like this in your feed? 💬 Engage with a like, comment or repost ➡️ Go to Béné Launois and hit the (🔔) to stay in the loop. 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿 💡