How to Maximize Informal Mentorship

Dear Student, here is how I got my first mentor: I got my first mentor the way most people don’t expect. Not through a scholarship program, not by cold-emailing 500 “Dear Sir/Ma” templates, but by working as a community manager in his community. Welcome to ep005 of the "Dear Student" series, a 7-day series, on being a student navigating life, jobs, dreams, being a student, and building global relevance. At first, I was simply doing my job by keeping the group alive, nudging conversations, organizing things behind the scenes. But over time, he noticed I wasn’t just clocking in and out. I was adding weight. I was taking responsibility for the culture, not just the tasks, I had an interesting way of reigniting a cold community. And then one day, the relationship shifted. I was no longer “that person managing the community” anymore. I had become someone worth guiding. That is the thing most people miss. - Mentorship is not a scholarship you apply for. - It is not an entitlement you demand. It is the byproduct of proving your seriousness in the environments you find yourself in. Read. That. Again. Mentors are drawn to momentum, to hunger, to people who make their own luck and then ask the right questions at the right time. They are earned through the way you show up. Here is a cheat sheet on how to put yourself in a position ready for mentorship: 1. Show up where the work is happening. Stop lurking under the guise of being an introvert. Join communities, attend events, volunteer. Mentors notice people who are present, not people waiting in the shadows. 2. Add value without keeping score. My mentor didn’t choose me because I begged and wailed for help, he chose me because I made his vision easier to execute. Offer your skills before you demand access. 3. Be consistent, not noisy. Anyone can impress once. The people who get mentorship are those who keep showing up, even when no one is clapping. 4. Ask intentional questions. Don’t DM “can you be my mentor?” That is all shades of laziness. Instead, ask sharp, specific questions. Ones showing you have done the work. Curiosity is magnetic. 5. Let the relationship evolve in a natural way. A mentor isn’t a genie, and they don’t owe you unlimited wishes. Respect their time, honor the small guidance they give, and more will come. Mentors aren’t fairy godmothers. They are people. People who are drawn to momentum, hunger, and seriousness. Don’t chase them. Build in such a way they come looking for you. Build work worth noticing and mentorship will find you. — Future You ⚗️

I've never officially asked anyone to be my mentor. Yet people constantly ask how I have so many mentors. Here's the system I used instead: I found people who moved me—whose ideas resonated, who I had something in common with—and after our first conversation, I'd simply ask: "Can we do this again?" Then I'd let them dictate the cadence. Monthly. Quarterly. Whatever worked for them. This cadence became a signal. It told me how close they wanted to stay. And I respected it. But here's the system that changed everything: 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗿���𝗽𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗜 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝟭:𝟭 𝗱𝗼𝗰𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗲. This document became our space for: • Topics we discussed • Ideas we explored • Books and podcasts they recommended • Resources to follow up on • Personal details: their kids, interests, hobbies, goals • Questions I wanted to ask next time Before each meeting, I'd review it. After each meeting, I'd update it. What this did: 𝟭. 𝗠𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 I could see momentum building between touchpoints. Our conversations weren't starting from zero each time—they were building on something. 𝟮. 𝗘𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄-𝘂𝗽 When they mentioned their daughter's soccer tournament, I'd note it. Next time: "How did Emma's tournament go?" These small details matter. 𝟯. 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗱 𝗜 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 The document proved I wasn't just collecting mentors. I was investing in the relationship. I remembered what they shared. I followed up on their advice. 𝟰. 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 This wasn't random coffee chats. This was systematic relationship building. Each conversation built on the last. The result? People didn't feel like they were being asked to "mentor" me. They felt like we were building something together. And over time, they became exactly what mentors are: people who genuinely invest in your growth because they've seen you invest in the relationship. This strategy started early in my career. I still use it today. Because the best mentorships aren't created by asking someone to be your mentor. They're created by building infrastructure that makes the relationship matter. 𝘿𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙮𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙢 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨?

Everyone says, “Find a mentor.” Nobody tells you how. So here’s how: 1. Think like a recruiter. Define who you’re looking for. A past founder? A subject matter expert? An operator at a scaled startup? 2. Figure out where they spend time - online and offline. Slack groups, LinkedIn, Substack comments, conferences, virtual AMAs, pitch nights. 3. Add value before you make an ask. Follow them. Comment thoughtfully. Share something they’ve written. Then DM with a very clear ask. 4. Don’t say “Will you be my mentor?” Say: “I admire the way you [specific thing]. I’m facing [specific issue]. Would you be open to a 20-minute call to walk through how you’d think about it?” 5. If it goes well: → Send a thank you note. → Implement the advice. → Follow up with results. → Ask if they’d be open to a check-in in a month or two. 6. Formalize and document the relationship. Set guardrails. Time commitment. Topics. Expectations. Everyone’s busy. Structure builds trust. 7. Make it mutual. Ask what they’re working on and where they need help. Share a relevant intro, article, tool, or resource. Even if you’re early in your journey, you have something to offer. Mentorship is at its best when it’s a two-way street. The best mentors aren’t assigned. They’re recruited with respect, clarity, and a plan.

We’ve made mentorship too precious. We wait for someone senior, impressive, with just the right background, and the time to guide us. And when that perfect person doesn’t appear, we tell ourselves we don’t have a mentor. But maybe the problem isn’t access. Maybe it’s our definition. I’ve never had a formal mentor. But over the years, I’ve built a kind of mentorship one tile at a time in a kind of “mosaic” of guidance. Many have guided and helped me build a sales process. Numerous funny people have helped me punch up scripts. Speakers, authors, consultants, and clients have all shared advice on different aspects of my business. I’ve also asked. A lot. I’ve reached out to hundreds of people, some I barely knew, for a slice of their wisdom. Together, they’ve moved me forward. The golden rule is to never ask too much or too often. I will ask one to two specific questions and then make a mental note to not ask anything again for at least a year. You don’t need one person to teach you everything. You need honest voices, each offering what they know. #Mentorship #LeadershipDevelopment #CareerGrowth

Don’t just ask someone to “be your mentor” — be intentional about how you work with them. Mentorship has shaped my career in big ways. One of my earliest mentors was an interim pro-vice-chancellor when I worked at a university. That relationship led to the opportunity to work in India — something I never could have planned, but which completely shifted my trajectory. I still work with mentors today, so when people approach me for mentorship, I try to help where I can. Enter Iqra Ali. She recently reached out with the perfect approach — clear, thoughtful, and showing she’s driven, passionate, approachable, and ready to put the work in. And that’s the difference. Mentorship works when the mentee drives the relationship. From both sides, here’s what I’ve seen matters most: ✅ Be clear on what you need support with ✅ Do your research before you reach out ✅ Come prepared and on time ✅ Keep your mentor updated on progress ✅ Follow up promptly — respect their time Beyond the basics, mentorship can also be strategic: ✅ Learn from people indirectly (blogs, podcasts, videos, talks) ✅ Build a network of mentors, not just one ✅ Set yourself weekly challenges to apply advice ✅ Invest in yourself — through mentors, courses, and training I truly believe mentorship can be a game-changing investment. But it does require time, and sometimes money. If you’re clear on what you want, open to feedback, and willing to put the work in, the return on this investment will continue to pay off again and again throughout your career. #mentorship

“You have a mentor… but nothing has changed.” Stop. Think about that. How often do we sit across from someone giving advice, nod politely, and then go back to doing the exact same thing we were doing before? Last week I said sometimes the missing piece isn’t a mentor, it’s discipline. But if you do have a mentor, how do you actually make their guidance count? Here’s what separates those who just have mentors from those who actually transform: 1️⃣ Show up with intention, not obligation: Mentors don’t just give advice, they invest their time and energy in people they believe in. Come prepared with updates, challenges, and reflections. Think bigger: Am I showing up with curiosity and courage, or just filling a slot on their calendar? 2️⃣ Translate advice into action immediately: The real value of mentorship isn’t in the conversation, it’s in the follow-through. After every session, choose one specific step to implement before the next check-in. Am I using insights to change my behavior, or just admire them from afar? 3️⃣ Own your blind spots: Mentors often highlight areas you’re avoiding. Growth begins where it’s uncomfortable. Don’t shy away from hard truths, lean into them. Am I courageous enough to face the gaps I’ve been ignoring? 4️⃣ Build a two-way relationship: Mentorship isn’t a transaction. Share what you learn, ask questions that challenge both of you, and contribute in any way you can. Am I taking advantage of their wisdom, or adding value back? 5️⃣ Reflect and track your growth: Progress isn’t always visible week-to-week. Keep a journal of lessons, actions, and wins. Over time, the small choices compound into real transformation. Am I measuring impact, or just counting meetings? Mentorship accelerates growth but discipline sustains it. So, the real question isn’t “Do I have a mentor?” It’s, “Am I showing up in a way that makes this mentorship truly count?” To anyone that has maximised mentorship, what’s one practice that’s helped you turn guidance into real results? Lets chat in the comments section please!

Stop asking your dream boss for a coffee chat, do this instead! Everyone says the way to build your network is to reach out to people you admire and ask for a 15-minute call. I disagree. If you want to meet your dream boss, mentor, or future client, the most effective path is to find a way to work with them, even if that starts by offering your help before getting paid. When I was trying to land my dream client, I didn’t ask for a call. I emailed her, followed up, then followed up again, over two months. But I wasn’t just saying “I’d love to connect.” I was offering something specific: "Let me do one month of exceptional work for you with no financial risk, just sheer output." Eventually, she said yes! Within weeks, it turned into: “Wait… we should be paying you. Let’s do this properly.” The same thing happened with one of my mentors. Instead of asking for a call, I helped organize a hackathon she was running and took ownership of logistics and communication. That gave me consistent access to her and built trust in a way that a single 15 min. conversation never could. Here’s the uncomfortable truth: asking impressive, busy people for 15 minutes is not networking. It often feels extractive. You’re asking for their time, their insights, their energy … without giving anything back. The people you want to learn from don’t need more coffee chats. They need people who can actually help them. So instead: → Find 3–5 people you actually want to work with → Study what they’re building → Identify where they might need support → Pitch yourself to solve that specific problem Instead of sending a note that says you admire their work, point to something specific and explain how you can help move it forward. Turn admiration into action. This will actually change how people respond. Building a network ends up being less about how many people you reach out to and more about whether you can be useful to the right ones. When you do that well, those relationships tend to grow into mentorship, referrals, and real opportunities over time. Because the best way to build a real network isn’t by asking for access. It’s by making yourself useful.

Limiting yourself to a single "official" mentor is like only eating at one restaurant your entire life. Different developers have different strengths. One might excel at system design, another at coding practices, and another at career navigation. The most successful junior developers build relationships with multiple informal mentors, each providing guidance in different areas. This approach: - Exposes you to diverse perspectives - Prevents over-reliance on one person's opinions - Creates a more robust support network - Accelerates your learning across multiple domains Stop seeking the perfect mentor and start building your personal board of advisors. Ready to stop limiting yourself? Start building your mentor network today.

I've been thinking about mentors recently, and how much I've benefited from the people who have mentored me over the years. If you're looking for a mentor, here are some tips on how to find one, and how to make the most of the relationship. First, start with some self-reflection. What skills or perspectives are you looking for? What's the gap between where you are and where you want to be? Be clear about what you hope to achieve through mentoring and why you think someone might be a good fit. While anyone can be a mentor, consider people who are later career or retired. Available time can be a gating factor for someone saying "yes" to a mentoring request. Although, some people who are very busy also find time to mentor others. Then, be direct and humble in your approach to potential mentors. It's ok—and very common—to reach out to several people before you find the right match. Ask if they're open to a conversation about mentorship, share why you thought of them, and remember that even a "no" can open doors. One of my best mentoring relationships actually began this way, with a referral from someone I approached. Once you've found someone open to mentoring you, create some structure. Talk about how you will work together, including frequency of conversations, and format. These relationships have a way of evolving over time, so be open to the structure changing. As a mentee, your job is to make the relationship valuable for both of you. There are a few key ways you can do that: Make the most of your time. Come prepared for your conversations with specific questions or topics, or, better yet, share them in advance so your mentor can reflect and add more value. Mentors lose interest quickly when they feel like they’re not genuinely helping. Act on (at least some of) their advice. After you implement their guidance, let them know what happened. It shows that you’re interested in growth, and that their counsel is important to you. Listen more than you talk. If you're dominating the conversation, you may be missing valuable insights. Don’t take the opportunity for granted, and make sure you to express authentic gratitude and appreciation to your mentor for their support. These skills that make you a great mentee—self-awareness, intentionality, and genuine curiosity—can also help you become a great leader. When you approach mentorship as a relationship where both people grow, rather than a transaction where one person extracts wisdom, you can create something truly meaningful. You don't just get advice; you build a meaningful, long-term connection. #Mentors #Management #HowToGrow