Despite your best efforts, the volunteer asking you if you’re registered to vote will never be convinced that you actually are.

“Are you eligible to participate in Gainesville elections?”

He or she will ask.

“Do you need to update your address?”

You’ll shake your head no, but their training has prepared them for that. They’ll smile and wish you a nice day, but circle back five minutes later.

“Hi, are you registered to vote?”

He or she will ask again, holding the clipboard toward you accusingly.

Are they trying to be funny? Do they not remember you? Why are you taking so long to finish your Krishna? You will continue chewing and avoid [...]

UF Sophomore Stephanie McCormick is on track to fail her Intro to Statistics class and it may affect her more than she realizes.  McCormick is majoring in Art and told reporters she doesn’t believe a statistics class matters in her life.

“Math isn’t a necessary tool in the real world.”

Said McCormick, who thinks doing taxes is optional.

“I paint with my heart, not a calculator.”

McCormick said she sees art as the only representation of society and that she knows in her heart that numbers, bar graphs, and a steady income will only distract from things that matter.

“When I asked her if she did the homework she told me home is wherever she presently is [...]

The RTS bus system has decided to make changes to its cooling system after numerous complaints of excessive sweat throughout the bus.

“The amount of sweat got so high in the bus I had to bring my snorkel just to survive the trip.”

Said Arnold Brady, an engineering major who lives three blocks from campus but still hasn’t mastered the complexities of riding a bike.

The buses will be installing those things that spray people at theme parks to counteract the heat. They will be receiving the machines from Disney theme parks as Disney moves forward with their plan to remove all air conditioning and raise water bottle prices to $38.

“I just felt that riding our [...]

Ever since the departure of the true hero of Tim Tebow, students haven’t been waiting for the second coming of a truly game-changing quarterback.

He has come.

Luke Del Rio, the once skeptically-viewed Gators QB, has ascended into greatness following a complete masacre of the Kentucky Wildcats.

“That connect will Calloway in the 1st quarter? Angelical.”

A drunk student from row 25 told reporters.

“That kind of success… Only comes once in an undergrad degree.”

Other sources have confirmed that the spirit of Tebow (originally passed down [...]